STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

by | March 6, 2019

As a teen, the thought of actually being fifty meant I was ancient! I saw myself secure and knowledgeable about life. I envisioned someone with a teenage body and the face of my grandmother for some reason. The idea of sags and bags had not even occurred to me. It reminds me of the way I approached getting my ears pierced when I was 12. After the pain (a big surprise) on my first earlobe, I decided I did not want to endure the second. I was so excited to join the world of hoops that the specific details of the needle did not even come into the decision when I was first making my plans.

I am that girl again today, surprised and mystified that I feel less in charge, less sure. I question the things I just “knew for sure” even five years ago. My body does not seem to be in my control. I get a start when I look in the mirror and suddenly I am sweating and then wanting to cry over nothing. I can’t sleep and then I can. I don’t have that old confidence; my family does not look like the picture I painted all those years ago. I have not met all the goals that I believed were a given by this stage. How could I have been so sure for so long and now suddenly feel like Terra Firma is rocking and rolling under my feet?

With so much life to live, I am perplexed, unable to completely finish what I start. I am the one my kids roll their eyes at. They don’t think I really know either. I am Alice in Wonderland, too big, falling down a rabbit hole, out of control and chased by the crazy queen. “I’m Late, I’m late for a very important date!”, But wait I can’t remember what it is???

I can’t be the only one? What I am experiencing, I know is a transition, and a BIG one. It’s not something the big planner in me expected to be dealing with. This crazy feeling has brought me to search for sites that address this space. I know part of getting through it is understanding this particular transition and understanding me in this new stage in life.

THE KNOW YOU STEP OF THE TRANSITION MODEL WILL HELP:
• Give me tools to know the new me now.
• Show me what is pretty normal during this time in life.
• Give me a chance to connect with others who are dealing with the same issues.
• Allow me to learn life hacks from experts about working through and embracing this new phase with wisdom and confidence.

I invite you to share yourself with us here—knowing you will be among sisters who are walking this road together with you—the road to knowing and embracing yourself in these new stages of life, whatever they are.

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